Lessons on the River - San Juan 1996

I don't think I ever went on a river trip that I didn't learn something. Whether it was a one day float trip with very little whitewater or 16 days doing over 200 miles on the Grand Canyon, there was always something new. If someone was to see a list of all the multiday trips I was fortunate enough to participate in because of my friends Joe Gross and Brian and Kathy Sweeney they would probably guess that my most life changing trip would have been the Grand Canyon the summer of 2000. While it was a great trip, a trip of a lifetime as a matter of fact, it was not my most life changing. I'll blog about the Grand Canyon trip in the future.

My most life changing trip without a doubt was a trip that I took in 1996, it was the first time that my daughter went on a multiday trip with me. The fact that she went is what made it so life changing. I learned so much about what a strong independent young woman she was becoming even at that young age. I was so impressed with how she interacted with adults on the trip and how much she pitched in and carried her weight throughout the entire trip. What made it equally special was that the Father's Day occurred during the trip and several other guys had their sons and daughters there as well. It was fun, plain and simple.

The life changing part though was learning to trust my daughter's independence and not hold her back simply because she was my "little girl". I grew up with a Mom who because of her own upbringing always saw the risk in everything and expecting that if anything could go wrong, it would. Because of that I became an overly cautious person and was certainly that way where my sons and daughter were concerned. While everything Stacie had done on this trip showed me that she was strong and smart I was still a "hovering" parent to the point where I'm sure that it drove her crazy. I still remember the specific event where I learned that it was ok to back off. Whether she realizes it or not that was a turning point in our relationship. I learned to trust her judgement and to allow her to take reasonable risks.

That specific event was when she wanted to take one of the rubber kayaks and run Presidents Rapid by herself. When she asked everyone said sure except me. I said "no". There wasn't going to be any discussion, just "no". I could see from the expressions on the faces of some others and the disappointment on her face that I was probably wrong and after watching a few others run the rapid I relented. She ran it as if it was something she grew up doing not as though it was her first rapid in a solo kayak. Although I probably didn't realize it right away, I learned to not put my fears on her. I had to learn to trust her and allow her to challenge herself. The result is a strong independent woman who is a great wife and mother.

Did I become a perfect parent as a result of that? Of course not! I did however become a better parent and had a much better relationship with her through all of the outdoor activities we shared together from then on. 

Here are a few pictures of that trip:

See why I was nervous - She was my baby!